Elf Hunt
by Neemers
Summary: When Logan loses control of a training exercise...
1. Training Exercises

Elf Hunt  
  
By Neemers  
  
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.  
  
Kurt's thoughts are in [brackets.]  
  
[Such a beautiful morning. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and the temperature is perfect for someone forced to wear a light fur coat.]  
  
Kurt couldn't be silent any longer, and both old and new X-men were outside with him. "Beautiful morning isn't it?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"I oughta fry the Fuzzy Morning Person."  
  
"Zzzzzzzzzzz"  
  
" 's too early for this."  
  
Of course, few of his friends were cheerful after being dragged out of bed on a Saturday morning into the middle of nowhere for a training session.  
  
"Listen up, troops!" Logan growled. "Here's the deal. Mutant battles are rarely quiet and unnoticed, so you needed training in how to get away without getting caught. For the past month I've taught you everything about stealth I know. Now it's test time. I give you five minutes to get as far as you can. Then I hunt you down. Last person to get caught gets out of the chore of their choice for the next month. No powers allowed. NOW MOVE!"  
  
[Dishwashing. If I win I'm getting out of dishwashing. Why won't anyone listen to me when I tell them that dishwater and fur don't mix?]  
  
Kurt ran off with the others, two-legging it due to Logan's demands. This was probably a good thing too, since he had his backpack with him, to pack both schoolwork and a snack.  
  
[Good thing I have an advantage here. There are WAY too many people more than willing to hunt down the demons they see if they can find any physical trace, and way too many with trained dogs. I have more experience than anyone else in this kind of thing.]  
  
Kurt took his time in laying a difficult trail, leaping from tree to tree in jumps small enough for a normal, if skilled, to make. He ran through a stream he found and crawled out of it by means of an overhanging branch to avoid leaving a scent trail for Logan. He'd had plenty enough experience with this kind of thing - enough to avoid leaving any footprints or fur clumps.  
  
Kurt soon left the drop-off area far behind and started coming into some rockier territory. Broken-up boulders gave him the chance to leap from one to the next in a random fashion, further confusing the scent trail.  
  
[Was is that? It looks like there's something red and shiny off in the distance there. Some weird rock formation? No. It's manmade, or at least the finish is. Heh. I wonder if that's someone's car. I have my image inducer. I could hitchhike. Wonder how long it would take Logan to find me then.]  
  
Kurt cautiously crept closer. Whatever it was, it was muck bigger than he thought. He finally came close enough to see what it was - and immediately dived into the bushes.  
  
[What on earth is a Sentinel doing here? Maybe it won't sense me if I don't use my powers. But I've got to get out of here and warn the others. Would it pick up my comm signal?]  
  
Kurt finally noticed that the sentinal had not moved. He slowly, cautiously turned so he could get a better look at it, and nearly laughed in relief when he did. Yes, it was a Sentinal, but it was long dead. The glass bits were shattered, the rest was worn, and the left leg was missing.  
  
[I have to hole up somewhere. Might as well stick around here. Logan would probably smell this thing before he saw it, and call off the hunt. If that happens, then this is the perfect hiding spot. Game's over before he finds me.]  
  
With this in mind, Kurt climbed up and sat on the Sentinal's left shoulder.  
  
"I never did get a chance to tell your 'brother' how I felt about him exposing mutants to the world, so I guess you'll do. You know, we aren't really any threat. Did you notice just who tore up the downtown area. It wasn't us. It was you. Guess there's nothing you can do about it now. You know, You're really not that bad when you sit still."  
  
Kurt merely sat in companiable silence with his odd companion.  
  
Kurt jumped six inches - literally.  
  
[Logan can't have found me already!]  
  
A slight rustle of feathers and an aristocratic voice sent that misconception out of his head.  
  
"Morning." the winged stanger greeted.  
  
"Indeed. Are you Warren? The others were telling me about meeting you around Christmas." Kurt returned.  
  
"Others being?"  
  
"Rogue, mainly."  
  
"Ah. Interesting place for a perch."  
  
"I wanted to chew it out for the way it's 'brother' acted."  
  
"Pity it's not just the robots. It seems humans are destined to hate what they don't understand. Either that, or in my case, start begging for forgiveness of their sins. It's somewhat amusing the first time or two, but I wish that they'd just see me for me."  
  
"They will."  
  
"You give humans too much credit in my opinion."  
  
"They accepted your help."  
  
"They thought I was an angel. Angels are good in the public's eyes. Mutants aren't. Maybe Magneto was right, and it is us against them."  
  
"heh."  
  
"Why do I get the impression you're thinking about something else?"  
  
"Ever watch those old Looney Toons, where some guy has to make a moral decision, then has an angel and a devil pop up on his soldiers to council him?"  
  
"Yes. And your point is...?"  
  
"We're sitting on the guy with the problem. And you, my angelic friend, are playing the devil's advocate, while I'm on the side of the angels. Somewhat amusing, if you think about it."  
  
"Heh."  
  
"I just remembered! I've got my camera in my bag. This is a perfect photo op."  
  
"Won't the developers get curious."  
  
"Polaroid."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Let me set it up on the timer. Smile."  
  
"I don't do smiling. I get enough of that posing for the paparazzi with father."  
  
FLASH  
  
"Spoilsport. Ah, well. It'll still be a good picture."  
  
"What are you doing out here, anyway?"  
  
"Training exercise with Logan. He's tracking us down."  
  
"Short guy with the nasty attitude?"  
  
"Ja."  
  
"I don't like him. I've got my car a few miles up the road. I'll bring it down and give you a lift back to the Institute. I'm headed back that way, anyways. I'd like to see him track you down, then."  
  
"Sounds like a plan." 


	2. Road Trip

The first chapter has an accompanying picture I'll e-mail to whoever wants it.  
  
Warren flew off to get the car. He came back with a custom red convertible that put Scott's to shame. Kurt immediately jumped in and put his feet up on the hood. Since Warren still had his wings out (and partially tucked behind and between the bucket seats) Kurt felt no need to activate his holowatch.  
  
After a few minutes of enjoying the open road, Kurt got a brilliant idea. He'd always wanted to play around in a convertible, but Scott had never let him. Maybe this would be different. Kurt hopped up and perched on the top of the windshield. Warren laughed and sped up.  
  
This was going to be fun. After a few minutes of just crouching, Kurt stood, while still on the windshield, and started going into one of his acrobatic routines. Warren was still smiling and only ducked a little so he could still see the road around the fuzzy elf.  
  
Alright. Time to show off a few tricks he'd learned from his circus's equestrians (1) He leaped forward onto the hood of the car, took a bow, then did a triple flip to land on the trunk. Then he started getting fancy. Cartwheels and spins that would have gotten him ground at the institute resulted in cheers and encouragement. Warren seemed to realize that Kurt was acrobatic enough to have no trouble even if he did fall out of the car. Not that he'd fallen with this kind of tricks since he was five.  
  
Warren started making the car swerve as Kurt continued into his more complex routines. The only time he stumbled was when he was swept into the backseat by white feathers, followed by an unrepentant smirk.  
  
Kurt took the hint and used a twisting flip to land himself in the passenger seat. Once again he swung his legs up on the dash and sat back to enjoy the fresh air.  
  
Warren finally broke the silence. "We should get together sometime, do something. Shave Logan bald or something."  
  
"If I shaved him, I'd either end up on probation for life or end up shaved myself. That's a very, very bad idea. Unless you know how to get away with it."  
  
"Nah. Besides, for the trouble that would cause, we could think up something better."  
  
"Logan might track the car and figure out where I'm headed. Maybe we should do something now."  
  
"Sure thing. Lemme head up to the cabin to park the car."  
  
"You've got a cabin up here?" Kurt started smiling that smile you never want to see aimed at you. Then his face fell. "Too bad we can't do anything with it now. Logan would catch me for sure."  
  
Warren parked, grabbed Kurt, and took to the skies. Kurt sat still for a moment, then scrambled around to perch of Warren's back, using his toes to hold on tight just in case of an unexpected barrel roll.  
  
"So where are we headed?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Central Park. We're going to convince some drunks to go sober. But first we've got to stop by my townhouse. I've got a few costumes to complete the effect, and alter our features enough that we won't be recognized."  
  
Normally, Kurt would have been terrified of going out in public in all his fuzzy blue glory. But something about doing it with an 'angel' seemed to make it ok. Instead of demanding a drop-off, he started considering different routines.  
  
____________________________________________________________________  
  
Horse riders. In the circus many of them will ride horses standing up or flip from the back of one horse to another. 


	3. At the Park

Warren and Kurt were at the townhouse, inspecting the costumes. Apparently Warren had had a friend who was into theater costumes and make-up stay for a while, then leave quickly, leaving many of his supplies behind. This left them with quite a few things to work with.  
  
Warren said, "I'm pretty sure there's some fake demon gear around here somewhere. And I learned enough from Jack to know how to use everything"  
  
"I'll let you do my costume if you let me do yours."  
  
Warren seemed a little scared and a lot wary, but he agreed.  
  
Fifteen minutes later:  
  
Warren fiddled with his breastplate. Kurt had found various bits of Roman costume and fitted him up so he looked something like a centurion. The only bit Warren seemed truly annoyed about was the wig. He didn't mind the beard, especially since it helped hide his face, but something about the long blond wig just bothered him.  
  
Kurt was having fewer problems. Years of hiding his true appearance made it so he wasn't as bothered by the theatrical equipment. Bits of rubber carefully tacked together and tied on made his toes look convincingly like hooves. He also had fake horns and claws, but thankfully Warren hadn't insisted on a red demon. Carefully applied facial make-up deepened the lines in his face and his eye sockets. A matted, long black wig covered his modern haircut. A ragged, ripped, indescribable something for a costume completed the look.  
  
"So just what are we going to do to draw their attention?" Kurt asked.  
  
"Um..."  
  
"You hadn't thought that far? Come on, we're sure to think of a few." Kurt saw various weapons laying in a corner of the room. Kurt threw Warren a broadsword and grabbed a pitchfork for himself. "We could always stage a fight."  
  
"Or play with their heads. You encourage them to do something stupid, and I discourage them."  
  
"Or the other way around if they're halfway sober."  
  
"This is gonna be a blast."  
  
At the park:  
  
"Hey Joe, you got any change?"  
  
"Ya'd just spend it on more booze, and I'm low."  
  
"So? you'd do the same. No way you could make it to the store an' back widdout geddin' sik. Gimme da money an' I'll bring ya some."  
  
"Why do you need it anyways?"  
  
"Just broke up wid the greates' womin on da planet."  
  
"You've been sayin' dat fer da las' five years."  
  
"C'mon, Joe"  
  
A new voice interrupted.  
  
"DEMON! I have chased you these many long months, and now you are mine."  
  
Both men turned to see a shining being with wings and a *very* big sword face down a dirty, ragged, hunched over thing with a wicked looking trident.  
  
"So long have I evaded you, and so I will continue to do so. Do you not see those my master has won?" the creature said, gesturing to the bench.  
  
*double gulp*  
  
"Foul creature, you know none are beyond redemption. But thy fate is sealed."  
  
Both put on and elaborate fight scene which was soon taken out of sight of the bench, where Kurt could scream his 'defeat' unchallenged.  
  
Back at the bench:  
  
"Did you see that?"  
  
"Dunno. Did you see that?"  
  
"I need a drink."  
  
"Not me. I'm gettin' cleaned up before I end up like dat."  
  
And in the trees above the bushes.  
  
Warren: *snicker*  
  
Kurt: Why do you laugh? We only got one of them.  
  
"The one with the money. His friend will have to do something else now."  
  
"Ah. But that won't make him quit drinking like that."  
  
"Not for sure, but he'll have to do something different."  
  
___________________________________________________________  
  
Opinions? 


	4. Waxworks

Warren and Kurt were wandering about one of the more abandoned parts of the park, discussing what they should do next.  
  
Kurt stopped. *grin* "This is too good to be true."  
  
"What?"  
  
Kurt guestured to a poster that read:  
  
COME SEE THE WAXWORK MUSEUM  
  
You won't believe they're not real.  
  
Religious theories exibit opening today!  
  
Located at 470 136 Ave, across Hollywood.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"  
  
"Probably not."  
  
Kurt carefully removed the poster and rolled it up. "Come on."  
  
Ten minutes later:  
  
"This looks like a good spot," Kurt said.  
  
"Why? What are you doing with that thing?" Warren was starting to sound distinctly nervous.  
  
"Watch and learn." Kurt told him as he unrolled the poster and stuck it on the side of an ancient concrete block that had once been used for tethering horses. "You get up in that tree out of view. I'll work the first crowd, you take the pictures. Here they come now."  
  
Warren took the camera and settled in the tree, but looked as if he wanted an explanation badly.  
  
Kurt hopped up on the block and took up a snarling pose. A moment later a woman with her five years old daughter came into view.  
  
"Mommy, mommy, look at the statue!"  
  
"Whoever made that thing? It doesn't look the least bit alive."  
  
The mother looked away for a moment, and Kurt waved to the little girl.  
  
"Mommy, the statue's alive! It waved to me."  
  
Faint, suppressed snickers could be heard from the tree above.  
  
"Don't be ridiculous. If that thing's alive I'll - I'll eat my hat!"  
  
Since she was within range, Kurt took off her hat and handed it to her.  
  
"I don't think it will taste that good. Maybe with a little mustard."  
  
*blink. blink. Eyes widen*  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
  
The mother grabbed her daughter and ran off.  
  
Thump. Warren was out of the tree. "That was great. Can I do the next one?"  
  
"Think I should go after her? She forgot her hat."  
  
Warren was ready for his turn. He had his pose all set up, something to make his look noble and pure, just like an angel. He heard a squeaky wheel and turned his eyes to see who was coming. A mother with a baby in a stroller. His target.  
  
The mother saw him and unstrapped her baby.  
  
"Look'it the pretty angel, Benny," She said.  
  
Benny spat up on Warren. Warren was so surprised that he froze until both the woman and Benny were out of sight. He started moving to clean up the mess just as Kurt fell out of the tree, still trying to stifle his laughter.  
  
____________________________________________________________  
  
I know it's short, but it's all I've got right now. So waddaya think? 


	5. Convention Time

Kurt and Warren had set up a pose together and were waiting for a new group to frighten. It wasn't long before several young men who the impolite might call nerds came down the path. They were dressed in elaborate clothes that looked like something out of a medieval novel. The display drew immediate attention. Kurt immediately dubbed them Knight, Prince, Peasant and Hobo.  
  
"Check it out," Hobo said. "This thing is incredible. The detail on this fur is unreal. How did they do that?"  
  
All four gathered around to take a closer look. It wasn't long before Peasant grabbed Kurt's tail. Kurt's tail wound itself around Midget's wrist.  
  
"Cool. You'd almost swear it was alive." Knight squeaked.  
  
Warren was done holding his silence. "Almost?"  
  
Instead of fleeing in terror, all four drew closer.  
  
"How'd you make that?" they asked as one.  
  
Warren was on a roll. "Who said I made it?" He took note of Kurt's frantic silencing gestures, and ignored them. The beard and wig are fake on me, we put hooves on his toes, a wig, horns and some theatrical makeup, but the rest is natural."  
  
All four were silent for a moment. Kurt waited for them to run screaming, or worse, try to play kill the demon.  
  
"This is so cool."  
  
"Radical."  
  
"Hey, you guys wanna join us. With you in the group we'd get best dressed for sure."  
  
Warren provided a highly intelligent response to this last request. "Huh?"  
  
"We're on our way to a convention for the book series, 'The Immortal Realm.' We've got some peasants, a noble and a knight, as you can see, but we couldn't find anyone who could make a halfway decent costume of the immortals, so we left them out."  
  
"Ja. Sure," Kurt replied for both of them.  
  
"Are those wings really real?" Knight asked, while lifting them.  
  
"Yes," Warren replied, while jerking his wing free with enough force to knock Knight off his feet.  
  
"I wish I had a tail," Hobo lamented.  
  
Kurt and Warren were finally at the convention and drawing envious stares from everyone around them. It wasn't long before people noticed that Kurt's tail wasn't staying still like a fake would.  
  
"How'd ya do that?" an unknown boy dressed as a wizard asked.  
  
"How'd I do what?" Kurt asked.  
  
"How'd ya move your tail like that. It looks so real." the wizard started trying to walk around behind Kurt to get a better look, but Kurt turned with him to keep an eye on him.  
  
[Think fast, Kurt. Ah! I've got it.]  
  
"It's cybernetic." Kurt nearly held his breath, hoping his explanation would be accepted.  
  
"Really? I know a little about cybernetics. What can ya tell me about it." The wizard continued to look lustfully at Kurt's tail and Kurt silently prayed that he wouldn't try to tear it off.  
  
[Time to play up the accent.] "My English is not so good, and so few men know my native tongue. I wish I could explain it to you, but I can't."  
  
"Sure ya can. You sound German. Mom was from Germany and taught me the language. I even know a little Romani. So what's your native language?"  
  
"HalbesePferd" (1)  
  
"Um...could ya tell me anyways?"  
  
Kurt figured that if he really had invented such cybernetics, he'd have a spiel to go with them to explain how they worked, so he gave the one HalbesPferd spiel he did know, the one he'd learned form Andrei's mom:  
  
Aja e alkj oae ao dik ot jao fue o wara. Tehha in e sojo sao o rool oas. Ekk fiew dio allwi, du jaole o reaol... (2)  
  
____________________________________________________________  
  
(1) Half-horse, spoken by centaurs in 'Nutterverse.  
  
(2) Get a large pan and fill it half full of water. Throw in a small sack of rolled oats. Add five diced apples, two handfuls of raisins... 


	6. In the Woods

Meanwhile, back in the woods Logan had managed to hunt down everyone but Kurt. Elf was the only one who'd even attempted to mess up his scent trail, and he'd done an expert job of it. He really had to work with the others on stealth.  
  
Kitty had been caught when she ran into a spiderweb and started screaming.  
  
Scott had been caught when he thought he'd his in some dark bushes that matches his sweater. The bushes were a deep green. His sweater was a deep purple. Logan would have to get 'Ro to give the kid some anatomy classes.  
  
It had taken a little over an hour to round up all the Jamies, half of whom had curled up and fallen asleep.  
  
Logan was still trying to figure out how Bobby had thought up the idea of hiding in an ice-coated air bubble at the bottom of a particularly muddy river, much less carried out his plan. Kid needed some lessons in following instructions.  
  
Logan had taken Evan out, even though he had a rather nasty cold. He just followed the trail of toothpick-sized spikes Evan left every time he sneezed.  
  
When Ray had seen that Logan had him, he decided to go down hard. They were both standing in a stream at the time, so Ray just electrified the whole stream. That boy was going to be learning a lesson in pain.  
  
One by one, all the kids had been rounded up, and now he was trailing Kurt. He eventually followed the trail to the Sentinel, but the scent of long- neglected machinery reached him long before he actually saw it, so he wasn't particularly worried.  
  
[Let's see. Elf climbed up here, sat there, and was joined by someone...I know that scent. But who is it. Then he crawled down here, walked over here...]  
  
Logan found the road and realized what Kurt had done. He'd found someone to catch a ride with. If Kurt'd been scared Logan would have smelled it, so he knew Kurt was fine, but he still couldn't place that scent.  
  
___________________________________________________________  
  
You like? Any comments? 


End file.
